The Nobel Prize, Oscars, Emmys, Baftas and Pulitzers – they aren’t needed in Macau where we have our own honours

It is the season of goodwill and time for the end-of-the-year awards. What a wonderful prize-giving event that could be for Macau. Looking back over the year, here is my list of awards and prize-winners.

For bravery

Gold award: The head of the secretary for security’s office, for declaring in the middle of the year that “so far, Macau’s system [for handling human trafficking] has worked well”, in spite of there being fewer than five cases prosecuted since the middle of 2008.

Silver award: The director of the Office for Personal Data Protection, for saying that the rise in the number of investigations it carried out from 47 in 2009 to 63 last year showed “that our public awareness campaigns are effective”. What public awareness campaigns were those?

Bronze award: The government, for giving two cash handouts to all Macau citizens while neglecting to act to reduce structural inequality.

For ingenuity

The government’s greening of Macau, for making many of its few green areas inaccessible to the public by creating them in the middle of roundabouts, in central road dividers and on the verges of major roads.

For archaeology

The government, for its insatiable appetite for digging, preferably roads, pavements, roundabouts and walkways.

For endeavour

The government, for attempting to expand and diversify the economy while enforcing a restrictive labour law and processing labour and immigration paperwork at snail’s pace.

For invisibility

Hengqin Island, for being so close to Macau, yet managing to remain out of sight for most of the year because of air pollution.

For a sense of history

Macau’s public security police, for continuing the medieval practice of parading suspected criminals in black hoods and handcuffs in front of the media and the public.

For time travel

The throwback award goes to the Education and Youth Affairs Bureau, for going back decades to the time when many countries stopped kindergarten classes from setting formal examinations that children would pass or fail and stopped compelling “failing” children to repeat a year, and for supporting this ban as current educational policy.

For nonsense

The director of the University of Macau’s Educational Research Centre, for reportedly saying: “Parents of children who were born post-1980s don’t really care how their children perform in school, whereas this younger generation [parents who had children post-1990s] is completely different.”

For easing traffic

Macau’s new bus company, for introducing 245 new buses on the city’s already highly congested roads.

For nano-imaging

Macau’s proposed infrastructural transport strategy.

For rapidity

The consolation prize goes to the government, for starting to discuss the rapid transit (or light rail) system in 2003, deciding in 2006 to build it and, five years later, still giving no appreciable indication of when it might materialise.

For signposting

Galaxy Macau, for making it virtually impossible to find its public car park, and for requiring visitors to enter the building by what could be mistaken for the tradesmen’s entrance.

For affronting reason

The prize is jointly awarded to the managing director of casino operator Sociedade de Jogos de Macau, for reportedly saying a “3 percent growth [rate for live gaming tables] a year is reasonable” without giving any reasons; and to the secretary for economy and finance, for his comment that the government’s objective is to promote “healthy growth” of the gaming industry without giving any reasons why a 3 percent growth rate is healthy.

For an interesting paradox

Macau, for having record GDP growth, in the top ten in the world, while Caritas in Macau is expecting that its food bank will have to help feed 6,000 of the region’s citizens over the coming two years.

The booby prize for weather forecasting

The government, for forecasting sunshine in its government, which did not seem to happen.

For eyesight

The government, for seeing without vision.

Bring on the awards, the tiaras, the handshakes and embraces, the tear-soaked speeches, the thanks to families and friends, the backslapping and toasting, and the victory parties that last long into the night.

By Keith Morrison Author and educationist – kmorrison.iium@gmail.com